Tired of being sick and tired.
Sat reclined on my comfy chair watching mindless TV in the hope I doze off. I'm absolutely shattered but yet when I lie in bed I cannot sleep straight away which really annoys me!!
My mood has been fluctuating all day but not really settled to anything in particular. I had so many plans on what to do with my day yesterday. I wanted to finish sorting through my things ready for moving and then work on my book. What I actually achieved was none of that.
I woke after an unpleasant dream massively off kilt. I was walking my little girl and could still visualise my dream and feel some of the dread. That feeling hasn't left me all day but thankfully the images have.
I visited my nan & grandad twice today and my mum popped over for breakfast. I walked to the post office and had my 'bouffant' done. Apart from that and walking my little girl I've done very little else. My head has just felt numb all day and even talking was a trial. It's hard to explain the feeling really but it's not something that's nice at all. Your trying to remain focused on conversing with other people, you see their lips moving but you hear nothing. I smile when they do, frown when I see one and show an interested face but I am sure they see my eyes are just empty; reflecting what I am feeling inside.
This is like most of my days which is so very frustrating and the way I read it, a total waste of a life. I suddenly find the will from somewhere, but then I go into a slump again much too quickly, sometimes even before I finish my tasks. I've put so much weight on because I haven't been running or to the gym for almost 3 months. The want is there but I physically & mentally don't have it in me. My appetite is also pretty much up and down which also doesn't help. I so wish I could click out of this but I don't currently have that ability, I can't find an escape from this nightmare so I sit for another day, doing nothing and just being sick and tired of it.
Day by day is all I have...