Taking back some of the control.
Today I finally found a phone number which I think may lead me to Derek; ‘uncle’, the sexual abuser of a child. The one who took away my innocence and any real chance of forming a decent relationship. So I dialled the number 4 times but it was just ringing out. I will try another couple of days over the week and if there remains no answer I will be driving to that house to see if it’s that filthy animal.
I have been spending time thinking about what sort of a future I will have now that I can no longer remain in the RAF. I accept that and somehow I have to move on if I want any semblance of my new ‘norm’. Any job which brings any form of pressure or stress may set me back whilst messing my employer about. There are days when I will hardly be able to function in a pressured environment so I have come to the conclusion I need something I can control myself. A job where I can decide when to work and what hours to work. A couple of my friends have complimented my decorating and DIY skills and stated I should take it up as a job. I shrugged the comments off previously but I really do enjoy it and it is something I can manage myself. There is no stress and noone to get stressed over. I have decided to start up ‘Shell Belle’s Handyworker’. I’m taking some control back and please god let this work. Wish me luck guys xx