• Michelle Partington

Stigma or Enigma?

Stigma: a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality or person...

Enigma: a person or thing that is mysterious or difficult to understand...


I have just put the phone down following a further conversation regarding transport for my medical appointments....so many policies and protocols come into force when trying to organise transport. One of my previous posts 'Taxi for Sanderson' talks about the problems which arose last week when attempting to arrange transport to attend my sessions. Too many driving hours for a single day trip, you have to start treatment from the very begining again somewhere else because I "come under a different region"....it makes me feel like the patient comes last....I come last....


Seriously frustrating and causing me so much undue stress and anxiety!! I feel like screaming "don't you get it"....but then why should they get it?!


As already explained, I struggle to drive 2 hours to the appointment after a bad night as well as driving back after a session of reliving traumatic experiences which is why SSAFA said I was entitled to transport. Cranwell cannot provide a driver unless I stay overnight somewhere, and Catterick do not have a budget for MT. The phone call today was to ask if I could get the train....


So, my appointment is at 11 am, I have to make the 20 minute journey to the Station, then a train journey which takes approximately 3 hours 50 mins with at least 2 changes, then find my way onto camp. To catch a train to reach my appointment time I would have to catch the one at 0630. The full journey would take approximately 5 hours and cost just short of £105.00. I will then be travelling back just after 12 following my 1 hour session getting me back for around 6 ish in the evening.


For those who are actually aware of PTSD and how this condition affects me, you will understand the build up of anxiety I am already feeling at the very thought of having to make this journey. I would hit 2 peak times and have nowhere to escape to if I was to have one of my 'moments'. The journey aside, how on earth can I travel back on a train after reliving traumatic events in such an emotional, exhaustive state???? I really don't know what I can do except to put myself at risk by driving there myself!


How special and important do I feel right now. You wouldn't think I had given over 20 years and almost my life for this would you...



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