• Michelle Partington

My heads so messy….

I have just sat down feeling really ‘messy’ in the head after going through my wardrobe to try to find something to wear for tomorrow!!

I’ve spent the last few weeks looking for a suit to wear for an interview. I walked from shop to shop, department store to designer outlets and not a ladies suit was seen. Why is it so difficult to find a suit? Do they not wear them for interviews anymore? To be fair I haven’t had an interview for quite a number of years so I may be completely out of touch with this. Call me old fashioned but I always think it’s appropriate to wear a suit for interviews.

Writing this gives me the outlet I need and reading it back will give me the shake up I need!!

So anyway, I couldn’t find a new suit so tonight I worked through my wardrobe to try on the clothes I already had. That’s when my head started to become really messy. My ‘old faithful’ suit was a bit too tight and would make me feel so uncomfortable sitting in the interview. I decided, unwisely, to try on other items in the wardrobe and at least half didn’t fit me. All I could think about throughout the ‘trying on process’ was how fat I was!!

I have been cutting down on the food I eat, watching what I eat and keeping active yet I’m not losing any weight!! I actually thought I’d been doing ok and starting to lose weight but my clothes tell me different. I am really struggling to keep my head in a good place with this but tonight I want to cry.

Cry with disgust at how fat I’m allowing myself to get. Disappointed at the very slow progress I’m making and worried I won’t keep a handle on it. I really am trying to but it’s truly hard. I don’t want to eat but if I don’t then I will get ill again. Has anyone else been where I am now? Hanging on by the skin of your teeth? I don’t understand; I’m doing all the right things but not getting any of the results.

I kinda feel a little isolated with this battle whilst so much is going on around me. I feel so selfish feeling this way but I can’t seem to see beyond it. With noone to talk to about it I just have to try to battle through. I’ve been here before and got through it and I will get through it again. I just gotta lose some weight!!


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